Home > Scunt Reviews > “Impatience is a virtue” – The Samsung Jet Advert

“Impatience is a virtue” – The Samsung Jet Advert

It may be more than just a phone, but it is definitely more than just an advert.

Samsung have taken an egg from the ravaged uterus of a weekend coke snorter and injected it with the dying sperm of an insurance sales team leader and then force-gestated the resultant embryo in the sickening juices of everything that was wrong with the 80’s. The ‘mother’ who carried this abomination was the director for E4’s thinly veiled dramatised shock-doc, Skins and throughout it’s accelerated pregnancy was bombarded with sounds and images of incoherency which can only be compared to the brainwashing sequence from A Clockwork Orange. What was birthed, nay SHAT,  into the world was the advert for the Samsung JET.

The phone itself is not worth mentioning, other than pointing out that you should memorise the handset in near-eidetic detail so that you can identify them from a distance and KEEP WELL AWAY FROM THE PERSON USING THEM. Our ancestors developed highly sensitive danger awareness to stay alive and further the species; this trait is now sadly translated to the modern equivalent of mobile telephone recognition.

The advert is a clarion cry for the actively lazy, a heraldic trumpeting for the nouveau shallow and just a general alarum for a breed of people who would have been drowned at birth if their parents could steal a fleeting glimpse of the future. Has there ever been an occasion when such obvious cuntery has been so heavily promoted? This is more than just an advert for another telephone; it is an advert for a way of life which is poisonous to the rest of humanity. The effect of this advertisement on our society today is like a man undergoing cancer treatment who contracts MRSA; whilst we are slowly and painfully trying to rid ourselves of a long-term disease, we could be killed by a small, impatient bug.

The National Lottery and X Factor have helped to make a society where no-one wants to work for anything. You don’t want to trudge around endless auditions in front of someone who simply says ‘Thank you’ in a dead, unfeeling tone or play in grimy, piss-soaked pubs performing a song you spent hours writing only for it to be ignored for the quiz machine. No, you want to go on TV and suddenly become the next big thing and perform cover versions or ‘present’ the next stage of the show which spawned you. A copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a….

Impatience did NOT give us mobile phones, jet planes and microwaves: the need for CONVENIENCE did. An increase in globalisation meant things had to be quick or you’d be trampled by the bulls. Now we see ever more a return to basic values – home-grown food, reading books, raised social awareness and reduced apathy.

A generation of forgotten latch-key kids are in the midst of a second-coming thanks to the likes of a simple programme like Twitter. For those that don’t understand it, it’s hard to explain. For those who do, you appreciate that Twitter is a social network which WORKS. Bigoted newspapers have been put in place, festivals have been arranged, dictatorial regimes have been threatened and hurt (when has Facebook or Myspace ever achieved this?), it is the truest form of social networking and makes a big, scary world a bit smaller and more comforting.

As for you odious little fucktards that buy the damn phone based on this advert? You want to put everything on a credit card and not earn the money, you want to download the film on the internet without thinking that it’s not the multi-million dollar company that loses the money, but the guy who works in the cinema who gets laid-off. You want to read the end of the book and forget that it is the journey, not the destination which makes the story.

You want to get from A to C as fast as you can without realising that B was ever there in the first place and you’ll die without knowing that B was brilliant, bold and beautiful – truly beautiful.

Impatience is NOT a virtue.

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  1. August 13, 2010 at 12:07

    Simple is usually better, in most cases. Even the most advanced technology is only useful if it is user friendly.

    Hows yourself? Been missing you on twitter.

    Helen xx

  2. Laura
    August 13, 2010 at 13:21

    Magnificent! have you read Chuck Palanihuk’s Survivor? if not you really should XX

    • iamhewhoisiam
      August 13, 2010 at 13:41

      Wow, thank you. I’ve not read that one – but I’m always keen on recommendations. I tried my hand at something Palahniukesque, if you’re interested? http://eaterofhearts.wordpress.com/2010/06/15/little-plastic-pieces/ but I warn you, it is harsh. So you might want to get your head in an ok place before you read it!

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