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Sex and Semantics

So I had to do this off the cuff blog due to a ‘discussion’ on Twitter over the semantics of sex. According to said person, ‘making love’ sounds twee and makes their skin crawl. That is not how I see it. As you know, I used to be a chef and food is a big part of my life. The reason I mention this now is because what I am about to say is explained by food, so we can all get along.

The way I see it, the act of fornication can be put in three categories (good, bad and embarrassing HAHAHAH I am SO Carrie fucking whatsersexandthecityname!)


Having Sex.

Making Love.

and this is how it breaks down…


Fucking is the junk food of the bedroom. It can be wild, spontaneous, messy – over in several large, ravenous gulps, but ultimately satisfying. You can get the scent in your nose and your interest is piqued, your mouth *ahem* waters and you just want to be satisfied there and then. Sure you might want more later; something more substantial and lasting, but at that moment, you just need instant gratification.

If it’s good, you feel good. If it’s bad, you feel sick. sometimes you have a favourite burger van you visit whenever you want a quick bite, other times you might be out on the town and find the first thing open for a greasy treat. OK, you may feel guilty about it afterwards, but it is the sort of guilt you can handle and know you’ll love to try again. However, junk food is NOT sustaining. It might be satisfying, but it doesn’t have all the nutritional sustenance you need to survive and just living off junk food isn’t really living. It will make you sick in the end.

Having Sex.

Yeah, having sex sounds boring, but it doesn’t have to be. Having sex is the Sunday Dinner or mid-week staple. Spaghetti Bolognese? Meat and two veg? That is having sex. It is something you do more regularly than hitting a takeaway or going to the little Michelin-starred restaurant, it is something safe and comforting you have often and you get enjoyment out of. Yeah, you can mix it up a little, you can add different ingredients, try new recipes etc. spice it up with a home-made curry or try a dish you liked the sound of in a magazine maybe? You can have it every night – but it gets boring, so you mix and match. Maybe even invite some friends over to join you. You can pretty it up by laying the table, putting out some candles and having a couple of courses, or play it down and have a pie and some oven chips but it is something you feel satisfied with afterwards, because you are sharing it with someone too.

Making Love.

Contrary to what my learned friend suggested, Making Love is NOT twee – it can be a fine, extravagant affair with several courses all arranged ahead of you, a little amuse bouche, a starter, something to cleanse the palette maybe, before moving on to the main course and it is a combination of tastes and textures, all sumptuous and gently filling. You are satisfied by this point, but could still handle a little more so a light cleanser before you savour the sweet indulgence of your rich dessert. And as you lay there, body straining from the full pleasure, you indulge in a little brandy whilst you reflect on what you have just taken in and feel that warm glow.

Making love is the whole affair – the atmosphere, the attention to detail, the slow-paced building of textures and tastes, accompanied by a carefully orchestrated service leaving you at your most satisfied. It is not something you have every day, week or even month – but when you get to enjoy it, it lasts with you for days afterwards. Over-indulgence in this meal would cheapen it and take away it’s importance.

So that’s it. A bit short, but it’s all there. Let me know what you think. I like to indulge in all three, depending on my mood. Unfortunately, I don’t really have the opportunity to go for any, which is probably why I write dirty stories on my blog. That’s like the equivalent of cooking up a bunch of chilli to take out of the freezer to enjoy by yourself, or passing a portion on to a friend for them to enjoy themselves too…

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